Getting blurred

For this time being, I am still searching for confidence values in my research. No special plan for 2009. But yet, it is a graduation year for some colleagues – the KIT’s undergraduate boys and girls, Firdaus Kun and also Kak Farihah. Not forget our charming Kojek. But Kojek will come back to Kyoto University for PhD. Also for Mahendra – I heard that he will buy a Volkswagen before go back to Malaysia.

Still after a year, my progress is like an escargot crawling on the ground. Pi Mai Pi Mai Tang Tu jugak! It is not an easy thing to defend your objective and idea of the research. Of course, the sensei s just eagerly comments and condemns the ideas. I think for these time, I am lack of confidence on what am I doing. Thus, one year of PhD is just like building the confidence in the research or understanding on what actually happen to me. This psychological phenomenon happens, I think is because of my less knowledge and experience in the topic that I work for.

It is not because I am not trying hard, but it is the case of I don’t know which part that I am suppose to focus more. I found out that my objectives for this study still not has been strengthening yet. That’s why each time after presentation or meeting, I am getting blurred and blurred. I have the basic idea, but have difficulties to explain this idea to sensei because actually I don’t have confident on it. I want somebody to discuss about the idea but sometimes I feel environment in my lab is not so supportive. Foreigner is still a foreigner. But luckily I have Petr besides me. Recently, we talked a lot about the research. The problem is, Petr likely to talk in philosophy’s way.

After a year and 4 months, the words regrets and frustrated always come into my mind. Yet, I never give up finding the strong research and knowledge that I can bring back for Malaysia’s society one day. I am still standing even I don't know the correct path to split or maneuver or whatever it is....For this time being, only Allah can help me…..

Some say that, road for success is always underconstruction.